No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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