i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
