new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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