Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
