please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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