Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
