Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
