Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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