the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
