Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
