So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Why is your signature on my underwear?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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