I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
