You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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