Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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