His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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