she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
