can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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