i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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