My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
