forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
