she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
