I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Randomize
