Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
