Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
