how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
