Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
