quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
