Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
