i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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