I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Actions speak louder than pants.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
