White coat. Heels.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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