capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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