Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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