Who wears a wallet chain?!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
