Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
