So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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