When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
