it wasn't lemon gatorade
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
