ya dads aren't the best wingmen
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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