I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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