And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
