its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
