my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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