So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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