The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
