Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
