ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
