Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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