Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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