You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize