She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This is my gift to your gina
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
