yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
