we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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