see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
