just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize