Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
