its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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