FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
