You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Shame is for Republicans.
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