Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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