pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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