i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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