Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
