I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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