I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize