is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
