K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
