I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
how drunk are you?
Several
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
