1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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