i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
