I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
