Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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