A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
