Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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