when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
