i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
