I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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