omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
