hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
