That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
