i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
