You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
