the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
