Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
