I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
