I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
