I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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