Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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