Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
