i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
