It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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