"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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