your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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