I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
