im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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