I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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