The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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