I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
