I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize