Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
