so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
