as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
