sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So here I am, sexting at work.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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