census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
